Between those moments without air
I breathe in whatever the sea brings me: tar and salt,
diesel and dead seaweed. The air before evening.
Here on this dune my world looks well enough:
Sky still blue, calming waves, the ongoing sound
of the north-western surf. Here I can breathe.
Crows. They approach me to include me
in their secret. I see their souls. They understand
I need some quietness and ask no more. But then
The church bells ring for yet another funeral,
The foghorn starts, my world now fading
into mist. I return home to suffocate again.
Through inky dark shades, another world
you walk, across the street
where apple blossom rains on either side;
the tree itself a glorious eruption of a Summer.
Fruit will come later on in time, in lesser sunshine.
We won’t taste the sweet sourness of a bitter fall together.
This precious moment should be ours,
In pinkish snow, in radiant love and youth.
I imagine you crossing the street out of darkness
But in a flash you disappear and you were never there.
The tree shows only bare and dried out branches.
Another world we could have lived in, gone again.
For months we moved in rituals that went beyond my memory
Gliding through days of oblivion, from darkness to darkness
A mist between us and time, the world moving faster or slower.
No mind seemed present, pain did not need to be killed
As it reminded me of life.
And yet flowers start all over, this frolic habit of a stubborn cyclus.
And it is so beautiful outdoors, I say. But still a bit too cold.
You wear your winter head-gear with the pride of a king.
My new ritual is making photos of your face,
not sure my memory will keep. Springtime!
My American publisher has put me in the spotlight, so have a look :)
These are strange days for my husband and me, some are better than others. Things like this (the spotlight article) are a nice distraction. <3
So much could be better:
The lives of pot plants, nutritious thoughts,
Me as your companion.
Predisposing factors for sadness.
Your smile means everything to me now
But you take mine for a grin.
My smile could be better,
I bought some hyacinths not yet blooming
And I contemplate about us a lot.
Cold to the bone and our faces sculptured
By drifting sand as we walk ( one way or another,
We shall be having the wind at our backs later on.)
Silent, silently threading unknown ground,
heading for a point of return:
Here, all seems simple enough. We do this far from home
Because the reward will be warmth and shelter in the end.
Because we feel alive in the death of this season.
Under our feet the sand is frozen cement.
Silent. Silence is following us back to the car,
an uninvited guest, stepping in. Becomes our friend.
Your sculptured face defrosting as we drive.
As well as we expected, orange eve
And purple seas have finally embraced
Each other, but where other sunsets leave
Us lonely in the dark, so not this place.
Away from all that makes us sad, there’s light
Reflecting in your eyes when you find mine
Here on this beach, although it’s cold and night
We are together under stars and we are fine.
To feel your hand in mine, through mittens’ wool
And have your arm around me is enough,
There are no more restrictions, there’s no rule
For what we have when we’re together. Love.
Emotions have a reason, what we feel
Can keep us well together, make it real.
I took the photo last Sunday, Terschelling Beach