Posts tagged ‘illness’

Personally (translation of Persoonlijk by my husband Toussaint)

My husband Toussaint is very ill now and he wrote the following:

“This posting might not remain here very long. Maybe I remove it tomorrow, or get up this night and remove these writings quickly.

A strange introduction? Certainly, hesitating so not to have to begin? Sure.
Acting interesting to capture readers? Certainly not, please move on browsing on the world-wide web. This is just a personal story, but it happens to be mine.

Why this long-winded introduction? Well because: this week I was told I am seriously ill. My stomach is being burdened with a rather rare form of cancer. With bad prognosis. I don’t want to go too much into details about the exact sort and diagnosis. Perhaps later, if I decide to keep on blogging. At any rates, my life has changed dramatically, as well as that of my family.

I am about to go into a period of goodbyes, limitations, getting worse and the end. I try not totally to let go of the little hope that is left (my limited medical knowledge and google don’t give me much hope). I do hope that some time will be given to me, to be active, as beloved one, father and grandfather. I am not ready by far to give that all up. The first hours of informing people, getting stuff at the physician’s, taking care of business, that has been done. Now it depends on whether or not I am able to live the live in the here and now. To not run for the future (if I could do that, I would probably have done so already) but also not to be petrified by fear for that same future.

This may sound brave and philosophical, but I wouldn’t know how to rephrase this as the emotional rollercoaster keeps going.
If I can give you some good advice: appreciate life and each other, it is gone before you know.

I now shall consult an old, sad friend. Symphony no 6 “Pathétique”by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Music which touches the essence of men to me. If you like to react to this, please do. I shall moderate everything, and might not publish everything.
For now, thank you for going with me in my story so far.”

For Toussaint, me and our family it will be a difficult time ahead.

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