I’m drifting and the sea gets rough,
the salt is on my skin; the cold and deep I am within –
an ocean of forgotten demons.
It was different when I still had you.
Sometimes I think I see the light of an island
in my sight, but never I can reach the shore.
I drift once more, the beach behind me.
I know that I can not rely on someone else to find me.
This is my own survival task.
I shall not ask for lifeboats nor for heroes.
I am alone as it must be. I am at drift and free,
no matter where the tide will take me
to be my final destiny.
Death moved in with me some years ago
and will not leave.
It pays its rent in ticking clocks,
I hear it sigh in squeaking floors and howling wind,
and dust reminds me it is here to stay.
It sits opposite me at breakfast in a silent grumpy mood.
I put a brochure of a cruise on its plate today,
hoping it will take the hint
and pack its stuff, and go away.
she feels the thought as physical, a wart, and it grows
under her skin, it glows in her bones, lava,
yet it also occupies the room she sleeps in,
walks with her and keeps her company as a slave
while her mind wanders off to the day.
the thought lives in her arms and wants to possess her,
and she lets it enter, time after time, the lover he is,
entering, staying and entering in new proportions,
new appearances – this overwhelming thought
that she could be herself again, and finally be safe.
Two times I walked as if on air
Two times the road appealed to me
And who was I not to go twice there
As foolish as a woman can be
Who thinks to love a man is easy
The first time seemed the road too good
With better views at every bent
So sunny was my loving mood,
But I had never understood
That he was not to be a friend
I made mistakes, a lot, but still
I think I came well through the dales,
And climbed my way back up the hill,
Forgotten was my broken will
But then I fell for storytales.
The road ahead has darkened much
I have no clue to where it’s leading
I only know I want his touch
As I have never felt as such
As when I lived his sweet words, reading.
after Robert Frost’s ‘The road not taken’
Again imagination and the sea go well together, the surface
a mirror not to be disturbed. Sailing vessels at a distance.
Room enough to forgive myself and others for having imagination,
for having thoughts that might do well on tempest waves
where one goes overboard quite easily. You seem nauseous enough already.
I like it calm and boring, and would have my days with you this way.
There is a lot of deep out there that we could look at, hand in hand
and shake our heads before we smile and take the slow walk back.
All turmoil seems a waste of time. The day would end with wine and
music somewhere playing, with spending night in safety of each other’s arms.
The waves well know a way to reach the borders of the sea
and touch the beach if only for a moment;
there is no telling what they’ll find on solid ground.
Is it the thrill of something never found?
Why do they keep on trying to be where they can’t stay?
Waves are forever dying in achievement
with all the history that forced them onto land.
Like me they strand, like me they disappear
as only for a moment I am here where we can meet
and no, I won’t be waiting.
sigh. sometimes nature speaks wisdom to me 🙂