An update. (by Toussaint Schroders)
It has been a while since I wrote here. Everyone who responded here and in person, thank you! To have cancer and lead a life beside that unwanted and pushy guest is a daytime job. In my case I have been through an abyss at times. The chemo seems to work fine, but is undermining my energy levels. Well it could be the chemo, as it is not likely that the cancer itself is causing the fatigue. I find myself sitting in a wheelchair. A barrier I fought against for too long and too self-willed. Now I do use the thing, it is a wonderful tool. I am being moved. Thanks to and with aid from my dear partner I am getting places now without panting for ten minutes getting my breath. Professionals at ferries and taxis proof to know what they are doing and are friendly assistants. I shall probably meet a grumpy person now and then, but I shall always remember I came across these kind people during my first wheelchair experiences.
Fortunately the oncologist had a good cure: a few days with no chemo, then start again but with a lower dose. Eventually the body has to be in such shape that it can deliver resistance to the cancer. And that chemo also needs a body in reasonable shape to do the work. The short interruption has worked, I started chemo again but I have recovered enough to be able to at some food now, the mood is better and the fatigue a lot less.
About this fatigue: I had no idea this was possible. I call it a sort of “perverse fatigue” and not in the sense of Freud’s meaning to this concept, but more as unnatural, unwanted and disgusting. It is fine to be tired, very tired even, after a chore, sport or other performance. It is different when swaying your legs out of bed is enough to make your body scream “tired, back to bed” . I hear this from more people with chemo, the only comfort is that it will pass.
Fortunately there are more things to fill my life with, apart from being “cancer patient”. With thanks to my dear ones I was able to have a wonderful turn of the year. Intensive beach- and nature drives with friends to show us around. Wonderful hours which I shall never forget.
And I feel strongly involved again in local politics. Even if the voice is a bit wheezy and I can’t attend everything, I am there and I contribute. I also get annoyed over ranting and negativism. I worry about plans the government has with our island. And think along with plans and intentions concerning the future, when I won’t be here anymore, as of course most of us do, but with a diagnosis as mine, it is made crystal clear to a person Strangely enough that doesn’t bother me, it is more of a stimulants. Even when all my atoms shall be absorbed by the universe, life will go on here and it is a stimulating and positive idea to think of that already, and to try and leave things in a reasonable state for our offspring.
I shall leave it at this on this lovely Sundaymorning (Feb. 15). The truce in Ukraine not yet shot to pieces, but people killed in Copenhagen and as it looks now, our freedom of speech and diversity threathened again. The world goes on, sometimes incredibly barbaric, sometimes heartwarmingly beautiful.
Like our National Thinker said: “Everyone can die, but to make something of life before that, is a lot of fuss.”