When we met

When we first met
a bird flew right through me;
I felt the trembling of its wings
from my neck to ankle, in my ribs
and in my heart, its feathers
swiftly ruffling in my stomach,
and never I had felt so light
than that moment when we met.

Comments on: "When we met" (19)

  1. Once more a beautiful image or metaphor to describe these delicate feelings

  2. Gorgeous! Made me feel those first love flutters again ๐Ÿ˜Š L&H xx

  3. I second what Christine said…..and wish you well with your surgery.
    By the way, WordPress has not been notifying me of your posts, nor notifying some of my followers either….I don’t know what’s happening, but I hope I can correct it soon!

    • Thank you very much Cynthia. I hope you will be able to get all the notifications shortly! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Pretty damn good.

    Indulge me for a moment. It’s an editorial hobby-horse of mine, but I always favour metaphor over simile. Or at least I find that using one instead of the other alters the whole atmosphere and expression of a poem.

    For example, yours above: imagine what the whole poem would be like if you omitted the words “it was as if”. It would change from simile to metaphor in an instant.

    Before now I have written and kept simile/metaphor versions of the same poem on file, just to remind myself of the possible shifts. I prefer metaphor, but a shift can be made the other way too. Just kicking ideas around here.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    M

    • I wrote it as a metaphor, but then it seemed a bit odd, (a bird flying through me right?) so I changed it, but now you mention it, it would not look odd at all. Well, it might, but not as badly as I expected. I’m going to change it ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for your feedback!

  5. Ina, when I read poems you have written like this one and all its kin, it’s as if you have crept into my heart, read all there waiting to be said and said it for me, leaving me speechless…

  6. Wow…. beautiful…..!!!!!

  7. A very unique and affecting ‘description’ of that first impression of physically and soulfully connecting with another. Just lovely, Ina! XO โ™ฅ

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