So much of what I knew

You were so much of what I knew as life,
you went and never I had felt such pain,
no part of this great love remained with me.
I lived alone and loss had shown us how.

You went and never I had felt such pain,
when others said it had been for the best
I lived alone. And loss had shown us how
you found your rest. I can not sleep at nights.

When others said it had been for the best
as they would never understand just how
you found your rest. I can not sleep at nights,
I miss your hand, your eyes, your love.

As they would never understand just how
our bodies yearn for those they can not see.
I miss your hand, your eyes, your love.
My nights are darker than a grave could be.

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Comments on: "So much of what I knew" (10)

  1. This above the ordinary., and full of powerful and loving lines “My nights are darker than a grave could be” and “You were so much of what I knew as Life”. Especially “You found your rest. I cannot sleep at night”. Small grammatical point, Perhaps, “You went and never I had felt such pain” could read “You went and never had I felt such pain” without affecting the meaning or scan at all. Only a suggestion, of course, which I wouldn’t bother to make if I didn’t enjoy it so much. Bravo

    • Hi Peter, thank you very much! Your comment means a lot to me and I appreciate the suggestion you made. I am grateful that you think with me! x

  2. ghostwriter3104 said:

    Very powerful and thought provoking… Well done!

  3. Oh I love this one Ina!

    And I agree with countingducks about the “never had I”. Makes absolutely no difference to the beauty the poem, just English grammar!

    A pantoum! Dont think I would dare try one! But you never know. You have great skill at all these different forms. I am having a go at a few short forms but this is a bit ambitious for me

    L&H xx!

    • Hi Christine, thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚ If this is an official pantoum, then they are not that difficult. The idea is to change the meaning of the words a little without changing the words, I think. I just hope I got it right ๐Ÿ™‚ It is fun trying! L&H xx

  4. Terrific poem Ina,

    The repetition works really well and enhances the poem.

    And I disagree with the other two about that line.
    The way you have structured it there is an emphasis placed on “I” which is not there in the altered versions and makes the line much more powerful.

    What is poetry if we cannot play with the rules of grammar to say exactly what we want to say. ๐Ÿ™‚

    David
    xxx

    • Hi David, thank you very much.

      About the grammar: I suppose both could work, I like your argument and I shall leave it as is. I am so happy that everyone helps out, that is encouraging ๐Ÿ™‚

      Love
      xxx

  5. I love the brooding quality of this – has a nineteenth century feel, especially in that last line. โ™ฅ

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