After the birth

After the birth
of my youngest son
I hallucinated,
I saw him die in my arms
and I couldn’t tell
whether I was asleep
and dreaming or in reality.
Awfull memories
of my youth
melted with demons
from my mind.
After some time of fear and madness,
I was taken by lifeboat
to the mainland,
to be in a hospital ward
where everyone
was more or less crazy.
A woman would lay
in the corridor screaming,
someone was afraid
to walk outside,
another had voices in his head.
There was a woman
always knitting,
but she was staff.
( It took me a week
to figure out
who was nurse
and who was patient.
I am still not too sure
about some.)
In those sixteen days
spent there
I learnt more
about the human mind
than I did
in the rest of my life.
When I got home,
my psychosis was gone
and I now knew of the pain of others.

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Comments on: "After the birth" (8)

  1. Wow Ina, this is a powerful poem! What an awful expeience for you, it must have been a very difficult time.

    I was in one of those hospitals with depression some years back. It definitely gives us an insight we wouldnt otherwise expeience. *shudder* !

    love and hugs xx

    • Hi Christine, it was a very intense time, and then I thought it was the end of my life, but now looking back, I think it has changed me in a way. Going through depressions as you did yourself and psychosis can be a learning experience maybe. For years I didn’t want to think about it at all. It is weird to be aware your mind can play such devious tricks on you! 🙂

      Love and hugs xx

  2. I understand your thoughts. I still have worry and concern for my children. Now I have grandchildren and I pray they are safe and sound. I believe woman and child are one forever. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.

    • Hi John, thank you very much. Worry and concern are part of parenthood, we never stop thinking about their well being perhaps. 🙂

  3. This is a very courageous, very powerful, very heart-felt poem.

    I have great admiration for you for writing it.

    I hope it reaches out to others who have been through a similar experience.

    (((Big Irish Hugs)))
    Arohanui
    David
    xxx

    • Hi David

      Thank you so much, it is just what happened, maybe it is not a real poem though, not sure. I hope that others in such a situation will know there is an end to the nightmare, that they are told what is going on (I missed that) and that they know medication (in my case anyway) can do the trick! 🙂

      {{{ Big Dutch Hugs }}} and happy IPD! lol

      Arohanui 🙂
      xxx

  4. As Christine wrote – how powerful! You have unpeeled another layer of yourself, very courageously. Depression and psychosis can be such difficult things to write about, even if we have experienced them (as I am currently finding out). Life’s lessons are so often learned in the hardest way, but if we can come through them they can bless us with understandings that make us more compassionate and certainly less judgmental. XO ♥

    • Hi Diane,

      thank you very much. Your words say it all.

      To have been on the other side of sanity makes me wonder if I ever returned at all, but if not, I am okay with it 🙂

      It took me 20 years to write about what happened and there are still a lot of layers that I can’t peel off. It is true that I look at illness of the mind with different eyes now.

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