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When time ends

The branches – heavy under cobalt sky -
Have carried ravens in the misty morn
But now the snow has chased them off. Forlorn
I stand where I have never seen them fly.

The ravens won’t be back till it is light,
They’ll haunt me in my sleep, in dreams they tear
My hopes up, every bird another fear,
Their feathers sizzling in my room all night.

There is a point where time began to be,
And under these old trees I understand
That all we know will fade away and end:
The tree, the ravens, cobalt skies and we.

Personally: an update on my present situation. (My husband’s blogposting)

My husband’s Dutch blogposting

The friendly surgeon was frank, I am no surgery material, the latest laparoscopy confirmed what previous examinations in Leeuwarden already had pointed at. There are too many cancer cells spreading to have a succesful surgery.

I shall go for chemotherapy, which can be done in Leeuwarden, in close connection with the Antoni van Leeuwenhoek hospital. Considering my general condition and the condition of my other organs, this could yield good results.

The diagnosing period is closed now. What follows, is called the “palliative treatment path”. I shall now have to find a balance between resting and improving my shape, between accepting and hope. To put it briefly: continuing life, in spite of the fact that there is less later than before.

Now this applies to everyone above a certain age, but not everyone is told as explicitly and crystal clearly as the one diagnosed with this form of cancer. For now, life still seems more than worthy of living. So we shall just do that.

I hope and expect I shall function on my present health level for a considerable time. With chemo and specific approach of my overall shape, there might even be an improvement.
Dear blog visitors, more people than I expected are visiting here. I appreciate that. It is possible to leave a comment, but not necessary.

Personally, stomach cancer and not getting used to it.

The translation of my husband’s new blog posting.
DSCF7741
When the news has “landed”, should a person get used to it also? I don’t know, on the unsurpassed internet much and often good information can be found about cancer and the people who have to deal with it, but I could not find a generally applying answer. So I wonder if one can get used to a situation like that. Something like dentures, or another kind of prosthesis. A nuisance at first, and present in an intrusive way, then, after a while, just a part of your body. You rather didn’t have it, but it happens to be there and it is no use complaining. This is how I would want to face my new companion, the stomach cancer. But by then all kinds of emotions are running through my brain and body. Exhausting emotions, while the body already has difficulty to function with all those evil cells that are joining the system.

It so happens that there is a surplus of bloggers, writers and other media professionals who are active reflecting their own anamnesis.
Often fascinatingly and well written. But I now get the impulse to defend myself, I really didn’t get this cancer to join in this hype. And the fact that I blog about it, has no other function than the rest of my blog has. It is on my mind, and I want to share that on a modest scale with the people who take the effort of coming here. Nothing more, nothing less.

Meanwhile life continues. There are many beautiful moments with my beloved one, (grand) children and during lovely walks. The support and friendship I experience is overwhelming. How to put that into words I don’t really know. It is heart warming and it comes in directly, I shall leave it at that for now. Being ill is what I mostly do whit in the walls of our home. How we manage and experience all of it here I won’t describe, there has to remain a comfortable limit of some privacy.
A nice diner whit in the framework of local government, (without joining in the meal still a fine evening) , a lively council meeting and much, mutual concern. Those are about the ingredients that makes it possible for me to be more than a man with a disease.

This week I shall step into the hospital world again. A 2nd opinion, so also a verdict again. That too is something I shall have to go through, and then the wait whether chemo and/or other medical interventions might do something for me. Maybe I shall find out in time how to live life while the finiteness of that life announces itself so shamelessly and impertinently.
Meanwhile I listen to old songs, Schubert. Timelessly beautiful. Dietrich Fischer Diskau in his years of glory.

It looks like it will be a good Sunday. All the best to you. Till next time.

My husband’s blogposting in Dutch

Publication – Dancing in the Rain

Ina:

My dear friend Christine has written Dancing in the Rain which will be released soon! :)

Originally posted on journeyintopoetry:

This post is to let you all know that my  book Dancing in the Rain, published by Bennison Books will be available shortly. The image which I am sharing here today will appear on the cover and has been created by my dear friend Diane Denton, artist, poet and author of a truly lovely historical novel. ‘A House Near Luccoli‘. She has also written a sequel called ‘To a Strange Somewhere Fled’ which will be published soon by All Things That Matter Press. I can highly recommend the first one and am very excited about the sequel. Thank you so much Diane!

I would like to thank all of you who have followed my poetry journey so far, from its very unsure beginnings in 2011. Every single one of you who has taken the time to visit my blog and comment has had an input in this book, because…

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Simply Raking

Ina:

A lovely gesture from my dear friend Diane

Originally posted on bardessdmdenton - prose, poetry and painting:

Copyright 2014 by DM Denton

Copyright 2014 by DM Denton

The light was low,

shadows soft,

layers of leaves

gathered

with my thoughts;

no wind

to blow

them away.

1. Out of clutter, find simplicity

2. From discord, find harmony

3. In the middle of a difficulty lies opportunity

~ Albert Einstein

This repost is for my dear friend and the amazing poetess, Ina Schroders-Zeeders and her husband, Toussaint. They are going through a very difficult time at present due to Toussaint’s illness. I ask you to join me in prayers of hope and healing for them.

donatellasmallest©Artwork and writing, unless otherwise indicated, are the property of Diane M Denton. Please request permission to reproduce or post elsewhere with a link back to bardessdmdenton. Thank you.

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My husband’s blog: “Personally, a turn for the worse”

My husband’s blog

This is a blog I don’t want to write. But since I started sharing my story, I don’t feel I should quit now. When I wrote my last blog posting, my “personal story”, I had a good message. The doctor who examined my petscan of a part of my organs told me he did not see any spreading of the cancer (just something suspicious ) . So I was more optimistic about the continuation of my treatment. Unfortunately today I was told that further examination showed a totally different picture. The tumor is too big and too far spread for surgery. I shall not make this a medical – technical story, but that was the essence of the message.

Of course we are going for a second opinion, but with the explanation this doctor gave, I don’t expect the outcome to be something very different. So we shall now go into the direction of chemo therapy, to slow the process down as much as possible, and to stay up and about as long as possible. Well, and what sensible thing is there left to say about this? I just don’t know now. Going for the here and now, and staying active as long as possible, living life by day or by hour. That is as far as I get for now. It was storming today, and not only at sea and on the shore. That is all for now.

Perhaps I shall write more here, for now we will recover from the blow, and then see if “living life” is an option we can live with.

8 oktober 2014 004

Let it pour

What I would like for a good day now
has to start as lazy long morning
after a lot of sleep
and you beside me smiling,
arms reaching, around me, all ending
in the nicest dream, a memory to keep;

there should be a blanket of warmth
and yellow candlelight
after walking a mile on the beach,
as we find a moist smelling fire-place.
We hear friendly voices near us talking
while outside rain is pouring over a window fast.

A good day is that.
And we had such before, you and me.
I would like them forever to last.
Let there be more, more.
Let it be, let it pour.
Let life be a bit like before.

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